our fertility journey part 1

I have been debating for quite some time on whether or not to share this post with you. And actually, it's been sitting in my Drafts as I've been unable to commit to the Publish button. But I finally feel like now is the time to share our fertility story. And just a warning; this is super wordy!

We began trying to conceive officially in November 2012 after a couple months of toying with the idea of "trying not to try" (whatever the heck that means.. a term I clearly made up). I foolishly thought it would happen immediately and the day before my cycle was due I would run to the bathroom and pee on a stick. The reoccurring "Not Pregnant"s really started to take a toll. 

In January 2013 I decided to see an Acupuncturist for overall wellness and fertility help. I was not aware of any fertility issues at the time but figured seeing someone certainly couldn't hurt. I was a very regular 26 day cycler and pretty much knew the day of ovulation each round. So I wasn't quite sure what the deal was and why it was taking "so long" (again, read: naive). I figured cause we were young and healthy that it would happen with the snap of my fingers, but no. Big fat no. 

I digress. Anyway. Acupuncture. Yes, it was awesome getting poked my needles for an hour once a week, every week, for the next 8 months. But hey I did it. And in the end it paid off. I started taking some medley of Chinese herbs that tasted absolutely horrid. Despite the taste, I kept on keeping on.  Also during this time I started taking my temperature and tracking all there is to track for ovulation detection. 

During the next six months I struggled a lot with the "why" issue. Why wasn't I getting pregnant? Why was it taking so long? Why is so & so pregnant without even trying and we have been trying without any success? It started to eat me alive. It was consuming my every day live and my every thought. I would see commercials for Clear Blue pregnancy tests and burst into tears. I would hear radio commercials for a local fertility clinic and feel a deep pang in my stomach. It was such an emotional roller coaster and the worst part was not knowing what was wrong. 

Finally in June, after 7 months of no success, I decided to see my OB/GYN about it. Typically they say that a healthy couple may take up to a year to get pregnant and even though we hadn't yet reached that point I had a feeling something just wasn't quite right. I wasn't sure exactly what it was but I just couldn't shake the feeling. So when I saw my OB I expressed my concerns and she began asking all sorts of questions. After hearing my responses and taking a look at my charts, she carefully suggested everything with my body looked good and that maybe it was something else. Something else? I wondered. The idea hadn't even crossed my mind. I was so consumed by the thought that it was something with me and that I was doing something wrong or that maybe I just wasn't meant to have kids. 

My OB suggested that I gently bring up the idea to Vince of getting a sperm analysis. At first I was really scared of the idea. It was so much easier in my mind if something was "wrong" with me because that was something I could deal with. But once the idea was presented that it might be something with Vince's swimmers, I got really worried. I didn't want that burden to be on him. I didn't want him to feel self conscious about it or have to carry the stress of it all. Not to mention he was just finishing up at the Academy and had enough stress as it was in order to graduate and complete his testings. Now I was faced with the task of bringing up to him about this whole new scary test. 

He handled it much better than I had even imagined and agreed to take the test. 

A week passed and I got a call from our doctor. The news was not great. 

Bottom line, our doctor said we would have a really hard time conceiving naturally and she was almost certain we would need assistance. 

We were both in shock and faced a difficult decision.

Stayed tuned for Part 2...